Train of thought..

Now a days, my minds been filled with different things. I'm emotionally stressed and I feel like it's getting worse and worse, but through all that, I'm trying my best to maintain good marks. After handing in my selection fee / course sheet for grade 12, it really hit me. Hard. Okay, grade 12, "soft".. no, not really. For me, it's a really big deal. It shows that I'm actually doing this and unlike my brothers, I'm not giving up. I'm doing this not only for me, but for my parents to actually show them... I can do this. I'm so tired of being under-estimated and really, it just got to me. I need to do this. So far, I'm doing well in my classes, like really well.. And I feel good about that because this hasn't happened in a WHILE. After going through so much the past four years, never said it stopped, it took a long while for me to get focused.. or still trying too. I'm not done yet, so far, I've only started.

Side note,
Despite school activities, I'm surprised I can go through many bullsh*t and still maintain my focus in everything. Maybe it's because I'm just so use to going through an obstacle, and the least I can do is learn how to defeat it, not let it defeat me.

High school is slowly coming to an end, one year and so months to go. Can you believe that? I can't. It's really made an impact because I learned that, you can't really find your true friends in high school. As sad as that sounds - it's true. Everyone's bound to talk shit, leave you and/or forget about you throughout the years of high school. Even the people you'd think would be best friends your whole life. For example, you're best friends the first few months, when a rumour strikes and it's mentioned that your "best friend" said it, you're automatically enemies. Am I right? Not saying it happened to me, but haha, happens a lot. Jealousy? Mixed feelings, boy/girl troubles and just the crowd you hang out with can affect your social life. To be honest, I can't stick to one group, I'm not that "very" social type, but I am the one who can't just stick to one. I like experiencing with different I guess you can say, cliques. But I do have some great friends, but I also have friends who.. I wouldn't consider trustworthy. As arms as that sounds. High school's tricky.. I remember Bayah saying this to me a long time ago.. "You can't and you wont find your real friends in highschool. It sucks but it's true.. and until now I still don't know who my true friends are. It takes a lot of time, and a lot of pain and searching."

I'm just a tad confused this month.
I don't really know what my main trouble is right now,
I guess you can say everything.

I wish I can smile for no reason.
But there's really no use now a days.
I try to find the good things in life,
and just go with that... like everyone says.
But it never works, something always happens.
I want to smile for something, not nothing..

Although you walked out of my life,
I'm still looking for that one good outcome from it all,
like.. What did I learn from all of this mess?

.. Too bad, I learned a lot.. but not one thing helped me smile.
You're the one who could always turn this frown upside down.
But you walking away dropped this smile to the floor...
Crashed it to the ground and broke it to a thousand pieces.
And now... not even you could brighten up my day.

"My name is .. Ch..Chris...Christina."

Man, great day! Haven't had one of these just chill - normal days in a while. First went to Orfus Road with Agnes, her parents, aunt and Monique. Walked around.. I bought make up =( 'cause I didn't bring a lot of money, yet I had enough to buy make up and jewelery LOL. After went to Jeff Carta' house, Anj, CJ, Em and Jess were already there. So just practiced for ROCK training. 4:50pm went to Immaculate Heart of Mary church! Awwww, haven't been there in a while ♥ So, as Jeff and Joel were alter serving, before the mass was about to start, Joel asked us if we (Anj, Jess, Agnes and I) wanted to sing for the choir. So went upstairs and sung with the rest(4people) of the choir, HAHA. Little while me and Cathleen went to the bathroom and... this guy started stalking us, LMFAAAAAAAAO. That's all I should say.. HAHA. Then after mass, the choir people told us we were good and we were welcome back anytime! Awww. So got in the car, and we saw that guy outside so me and Cathleen hid, HHAHAHA. Back to the Carta' house, we ate dinner. And omg, started getting hyper! Mad laughter happening and bullying hahaha! Around 9 left Carta's house. Then bussed home with Agnes (adventure for her, since she hasn't bussed before) Hahaha!

Love music ministry + Kids for Christ. ♥

"slowly getting harder day by day, because we know.. one day, I'll have to leave it all behind."

...

What do you say to something like that?
What can really come out of your mouth that they'll take into consideration at a moment like this?
What can you really say that will make them change their minds?!

Don't ever think you'll lose me as a friend. From day one I've been there for you, and so from the very end I'll still be that friend you need. Though you feel like the worlds against you and that nothings going your way.. Just have patience, and perservere and hold on and never give up. Through Gods eyes he's seen how hard you maintained and held on and he'll know what to do in moments time. Just don't lose hope. Don't lose faith in him and in yourself.

You're better than that... Please. Just don't.

Lastly and forever I'll say this, I'll aaaalways always always always be here for you no matter what.

<3

I don't feel well.
I just feel so sick lately.
Physically and emotionally.
Tired of feeling this pain throughout my body,
And tired of the pain I feel inside.
Corny as that sounds, I miss being happy.

Im kind of dwelling on the past too much now a days, but what can you do when the past was so much better than what youre going through now. You know? Ehhh, I'll get over it.

The furnace wasn't working for a good two weeks and now that we got it fixed. It is waaaay to hot :( It feels gross.

Man, fuck Pickering.
I still don't understand what crossed my parent's minds when thinking of moving in this city. Well, they are not all to blame. I kind of begged them 'cause of the pool. But it's kind of closed, soo... what's really the point in living here.
I want to move already. =(

People are so damn waste sometimes!
You need to get boxed in your face, maaaaan.

After such a shitty night last night,

today definitely made up for it. I love my KFC Core ♥
helps me smile through anything.
Haha, I had stickers with me, Valentine's Day, good mood
= I went around to little kids and YFC I knew & didn't know and stuck stickers on them and said Happy Valentine's Day. Hehehe. =)

I'm gonna start talking to people on the phone again, I forgot how much fun it used to me.
Today when I was on my way home and at home, I talked to Charz and updated her with everything, and this girl made me smile in an instant - bun waste! Then after, noticing it was long distance, I called up Crystal and updated her with more news, haha makes me laugh silly! Then got home, Farrell and Meg threewayed me and just talked to them. Oh man, laughing for days with these two. But they both fell asleep on me :| LOL.
And Happy Single's Awareness Day to the single people.
I'm not bitter so Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. xoxo ♥♥
AAAND, Happy Birthday to Jeff Carta :) Love you homie! ♥

Happy Valentines Day!

Or as Emilie and Cathleen would say Happy Singles Awareness Day. = SAD.

Aka S.A.D. Hahaha! Aww.

I got my report cards. Lol, augh. I know I could do better. I'm always slacking and missing school. I have a year and a half to go and until now I can't get rid of my bad working habits. Well see..

Friday - Nonuniform day. I'm jealous of Andrews tattoo. :( haha. Omg, Media arts is starting to be a pain. -.-" After went to Megan's house. With Mike, Marc, Misty, Oj, Patricia and Jason. Just chilled then around 7 Marc drove Mike and I to the station cause we had to go to Scarbs. So hour after got to the CFC Office. Meeting tings until 11 pm then went home.

Saturday - went grocery shopping with parents. Yum. After went to Value Village cause I had to look for something for my room. Ended up buying clothes haha damn. Idgaf what anyone says. Value Village is live. I also saw a Nikon and somethingsomething SLR camera's that work great and I can get both under $200. Too bad I'm brooke but that's def in my To Buy List! So saving up time. :) I think I'm growing a passion for old photography. Oui, oui! Dad bought my film for the Pentex SLR, but now I need the battery :( errr. Haaha.

Off to bed - gotta get up at 10 tomorrow for the E-Rally (:

I should be doing my Media Arts homework, but I am so lazy. -__-"

But all I need is to type it out, so whatevs.
Also, I'm on the phone with Jay so he's a flipping distraction to the max, haha.
side note:
Maybe this relationship isn't for me.
Not that I'm not ready... but I guess my heart can't take it.
Above my issues with the family and myself, boys just top it off like the cherry on the icecream.
We'll see how it goes.
Also, I was looking throughout my house for magazines that I need for Media Arts, and I came across this old SLR.. I wanna use it. =) We'll see.. I need to pay for film and new batteries. And I wanna ask my cousin if he has any other lenses besides this 50mm f1:2 one. This kinda saves me $$, 'cause I wanted to save up and buy a DSLR, but we'll see how this goes.


So sickkkkk =)

Weekend summation.

Basically spent my whole weekend babysitting. ♥
It was kinda fun, and I was relaxed, despite my cousins being ultra hyper and very handful.. I honestly look up to my aunt, she's like a role model, like damn, "octomom" taking care of 4 kids, 11, 8, almost 2 and two weeks old, and she also supports her stepson who is 21 yrs old... Haha, I can only imagine what she'll go through next couple years.. now that I think about it, same for my mom, taking care of me and my three brothers - I'm 16, brother's are 20, 24 and 25. Even if we're old and can take care of ourselves, she still supports us 100%.

♥

on another note,
when will I finally admit to myself that I'm over you?

SEMESTER 2.

Oh man, exciting semester still!
Parenting - LIVE class. Tell me why ALL my girls are in the class? Dang! And Chantelle kills me! "Can I have the baby during weekends?" .. "Why?" .. "So I can bring it to church and baptize it.. just kidding miss!" ..we know you're not, HAHA! And guys - Chase, Jordan, Carm and Dage might be switching in it HAHA. Excited for that.. I wanted to switch it, but now.. damn, makes it 100% difficult.
Media Arts - Haha! In a class with Seepersad and Armogan! Armogan's already been saying how he's gonna fail, lmao. CUTE BOI in my classsss ahhh! LOL. zomg.
1st Lunch - Hopefully it'll be a good lunch, bahah. Went to Timmie's with Lydia (:
Religion - ...Ew, LOL. Tell me why there's no one there.. but Claudia, Philisitee and Jaimi.. And some biatch who's beeeeeeeen staring at me. LOL. Ackkhh!
Anthropology - Omg, teacher's WHACK. But I'm in a class with Paola and Kevork .. WTH, boring again.. LOL.
.. hopefully it'll be a good semester ♥
I'm honestly SO excited for 2010
- This friday aunt wants me to come to Mississauga and take care of BABY" JACOB with my Grandma <3
- Gonna go sing in church with Mike, Marc and Jerms again (:
- April 2010, Chicago, United States AGAIN (: <333333>
- Cousin's wedding in June 2010
- Cousin's baby's coming out, so I'm asian, so.. new neice/nephew (:
.. that's all I can think of LOL.
♥


The Tubongbanua (Missing Kuya Ronnie) clan ♥ Haha, love them.


Not to pick favorites, but meet my babies Jacob and Gabriel ♥♥

Exams are finally done.
Math, Law and English = Soft ..well, I wouldn't say that yet.

After exams, hit it up at my love Nadia Rosales' house with Toni, Paola and Robyn, and just chilled and had our girls night ♥ Quite fun I would say. I miss these days where I can just relax, 'cause lately I haven't had this much relaxation nor freedom.

Next semester = Parenting, Anthropology, Religion and Media Arts.
Softer semester. Haha.