I don't know what's best for me, but even if I tried it out, it ends up killing me in the long run.

I try to be happy, and make myself comfortable around you. But these steps I'm taking doesn't seem to bring me to the right direction. Why do you do this, when there's someone else. I try to let it slide, telling myself you do this to everyone, but no. It's getting more obvious, you're getting more oblivious. I just don't understand why, out of all people, it's me you're targeting.
School; it's going good. Every mark is pretty good but Sociology/Anthropology/Psychology. Which I want to major in for University... this sucks. I'll keep trying. This weeks been pretty stressful. But afterschool has been pretty relaxing - which is weird. School = death of me, after school = party life, hahaha. I've probably spent everyday with Misty and Marc, going to Tim Hortons, eating, then going home. Thursday I had Band practice (For church band) at Jeremy's house with Marc and Mike, then did my photoshoot with them. Yesterday was pretty fun. Went home right after school, then went to Misty's house and met up with Marc. We(well Marc) drove to Ajax to pick up Farrell and Melissa, and we drove to the abandoned church.. It was only 6pm, but it was already scary! We were all linked arms, LOOL. After just drove around, then chinchilled at Mel's house. Walked to the park around 8ish, and chilled there.. thinking we walked to Toronto, 'cause honestly, she lives by the lake, and you can see the skyline, so pretty! Walked back around 10. We were all pretty tripped out, hahahaha.. Then I feel bad for Marc, cause he drove us all home, lol.
I feel bad for Marc, he's driving me everywhere... I needa start driving. :P
anyways, today I'm going back to singing for Mass with Marc, Mike and Jeremy at Holy Redeemer. Haven't gone in over 6 months, so I'm kind of glad. My voice isn't doing so well, just got better from being sick. so just hoping it doesn't fail on me. Haha.

March Break!

Oh man, first day back and I just wanna go home and sleep all day. School was a dread lmao. After school drove Jerms home with Marc and Misty then went to Misty's house an hung out. Def miss that! And Misty burnt a cookie cause instead of Microwaving it for 10 seconds she did it for 100. HAHAHAHA. And texting other people. 'The things I would do to you' hahaha. After Marc drove me home.

Recap of what happened during the break. And can't lie, one of the best breaks ever.
Last day of school - Friday: Skipped last two periods with Eshy and Bridget. Then around eight, girls plus Jacob went to Sammy's house! Fun fun, right Nicole ;)?
Saturday: With Jordan and Kevin in the morning, then later went to Scarbs for the Pacqiuao fight.
Sunday: CCT Training half the day. Heard the news about Francis' mom; RIP <3 and Daddy Do being in the hospital :(
Monday: Went to visit best and his dad in the hospital, went home after. Cut my hair then randomly pierced my ear. Very productive day. Ahahaha.
Tuesday: Went to Mississauga for cousins birthday. Played bowling with them then just chinchilled. Slept over.
Wednesday: Cooked for my cousins and aunt, yummm! Went home, left at 5 got home at 10. Fucking journey. Megan knows my pain. But seriously never again. Ahahha.
Thursday: Boyfriend's 18th birthday. Spent the morning with him, visited his daddio again. Went home, dyed my hair and clean the house. After the !NF crew came over except Ashley :( but fun times. Regular chinchilling! Met Erika :) and had an adventure with Misty, Farrell, Anna and Oj while the rest got pizza. TOO JOKES. First time for everything ;) ..then the thing. Ugh anyways..
Friday: Went shopping with Misty and Megan for a bit then Misty had to leave so went to Megan's house and watched Ninja's assasin! Ewwww. Ahaha then went home early ;(
Saturday: Up at 5 in the morning for the ROCK training. Met new faces! Only there until 1pm which I was so sad. And thanks to Tito and Porky for driving me from Etobicoke to all the way to Union Station, oh man! Got home showered and got ready for Lolo's birthday. Met most of my cousins, sad a lot of them didn't go. And partied it up with my 90 year old Lolo <33333! My feet hurt after.
Sunday: Chill day, watched movies then when parents went out I snuck out with Jor and Kev, visited uncle Do then ate dinner at Timmies. Then they drove me home :)

Def made my break worth it. Getting in trouble at the end was worth it, no doubt. <3

It's the truth.

So why is it, the time of my happiness arises, someone's always there to knock it down.

I find it unbelievable. Come on now, you had, out of ALL people, the audacity to throw me off like that. Mind you and certain people, I'm always on your side, NEVER have I left your side. I've put up with your bullshit for how many years, and through that I've lost one of the closest friends' I have EVER had. One thing that's ticking me off right now is that, I have my own life. Sure, you need me in your's, but who the fuck said I ever left? I need time for myself, and work things out in MY own personal life. Sorry I haven't been able to interact once in a while, but is that any reason to throw those words at me. Sure you're joking. But the words you threw at ME, hurt like a bitch. Seriously, out of all people, HAHA. Fuck man, you know I fucking have your back 24/7, but things like these make me wish I didn't. Wake the fuck up, stop being a baby. 'Cause the world certainly does not evolve around you, and not everyone is against you. Here's one advice.. Instead of complaining all the time, why don't you do something about it. Instead of smashing your head on the ground because you failed at something, GET UP and try again. There's no fault in trying, is there not? But there is fault in giving up. And that's what you always do.
And lastly, I'm not always gonna be here for you. Whether you like it or not, whether it's my decision or not. Life changes. People change. So have respect for the people that have your back, 'cause one day, they may be gone.

Rest in Peace

It's been 3 years. Not to mention a tough three long years. I miss seeing you everyday and I miss how you kept this family together. And most importantly I miss you.

I still remember being in the hospital everyday for two / three months just to watch and take care of you. I remember the second last day all your kids and grandkids were in the room praying over you and they told me to say something to you. I went to your cold body and touched you and said "I Love You" and cried so much my eyes were about to fall off. Last day your grandkids and I were playing in the lobby, kuya runs down to tell us to hurry up. We run back upstairs, quietly I go inside very confused. Only to hear everyone crying.. And that's when it hit me. That's when it hit all of us. I remember crying every night because you weren't here anymore. And I still do because I still can't believe it that, out of all people, God would take you away..

Long story short,
It's been three long years yet my heart breaks every single day. But the least I can do is be happy that you're not hurting anymore.

Rosendo Dela Cruz Jr.
December 23
1943 - March 07 2010 ..
I miss you and love you so much <3

Multicultural Night!

Today was real tiring, I want to sleep but I'm supposedly studying for tests..

Recap of today,
I had a doctor's appointment in Sick Kids today, so we (parents, grandma and I) got there around 10, left around 12. We went to Spadina after, and got my new glasses + contacts, which aren't gonna come until next week! But tres excited. After went to eat Dim Sum, omg so goooood! Then momma bought heels for herself, for Lolo Seteng's birthday, and she ended up buying me make up. LOL, shiiiii, remind me to save up money and spend it on that store! Authentic MAC makeup, and the girl recognized me from before, when I visited her in July, so she gives us discount. But sometimes, my mom's pushing it. LOL. I got bronzer, foundation and eyeliner for under $60, when it was suppose to be $100, lol lady died, and I hinted to her that my mom was kind of insane - LOL. Then my mom bought two pairs of heels and earrings. After walked around Spadina, then went home.... Changed clothes, and by 6:30 went back to school for Multicultural Night. Met up with Nicquel, OMG her baby sister is TOOO CUTE! & the rest of the girls. After met up with Leslie, Jordan and their friends... until Leslie left me so I was stuck with Jordan, Bobo and their friends.. awwwwkward LOL. I'm so nice eh Jordan ;) Imma goood friend, bitch! Then it just got too awkward so just walked around with Misty and Meg. Then performances started happen, went outside with Chantelle, Eshy, Bridget and the boys. Took pictures, had a plantain chip fight - LMFAO, joke of the day, my gosh! too funny. After ran back inside because of the mad mess we made inside. Watched the rest of the performance, Jordan offered me a ride home, but I felt bad 'cause he lived the other side of Pickering, then Logan offered me one, but who really knows, this guy is never realy normal, LOL. Told Megan, and she was like OH HELL NO, I'm taking you home. But eventually I got a ride home from my dad. Oh, oh, Elise and Rachel make my day ♥ Hahaha.

That was long, but it was fun, so I decided to remember it (:
Side note,
Don't be like that. I know your ways now, and you're just plain stupid. I love how you talk to me as if I'm just one of them, when they're all around. When that certain person's around you act like I don't exist. When it's only me, your boys and yourself you act like .... Fuck you, I can't keep up with this shit.

To be honest..

They tell me you're no good, they tell me to drop you.

But if they only knew what I felt, they wouldn't be saying it.
I know it's wrong since.. it's in difficult situations right now.
You're a good friend to me, matter of fact, a great friend.
I really don't want to lose you.
But my question is:
Why?
Why are you doing this?
Why would you push the limit just 'cause you thought you could?
Ever think of what other people are saying? Talking about? Feeling?
I don't even think you are too sure of your decisions.
I think you're confused, and your just using me as a security blanket.
But now, it's starting to catch on to me..
I'm starting to feel attached to you, but I know if I end up pursuing that,
It'll be a never ending battle. Between only you and I should know about.
Make up your mind before you destroy our friendship,
and your relationship with other people.
Be real with yourself, you don't need to prove to me, because I know you're lost,
you may think you know what you're dealing with, but why would you fake it?
- Stand on your own, you don't need people standing up for yourself. -